So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Barsexuality is the new black.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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