OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
