Jerry, you need to find god
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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