So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
