Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
