a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
