1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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