dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
