I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
