Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
