Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Vodka?
Forever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
