any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
