Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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