im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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