Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
