She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
