Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
