hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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