laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
