Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
