I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
