When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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