hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she told me i tasted like america
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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