so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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