"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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