if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
