is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
