I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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