Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
