So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
