I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do herpes really smell.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
