I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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