my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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