so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
