I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
