Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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