Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
