he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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