I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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