Nicole vs. Life
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
