i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
