Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize