Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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