And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
