Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
