she was so not down for the gang bang
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
