Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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