i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
