I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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