If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
