im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
