I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
