then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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