I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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