he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
