But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
