Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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