I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need moral support for this bender
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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