i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's always time for handjobs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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