You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
