How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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