I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
