I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
