I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
