Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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