there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
