Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
