There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
