I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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