I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
